


Are You Proud Of Who I Am?

by thegreatficmaster



Series: Supernatural Collection [37]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Reader-Insert, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 03:10:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19844347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatficmaster/pseuds/thegreatficmaster
Summary: Sam begins to wonder what John would think of him after Toni’s words.





	Are You Proud Of Who I Am?

Sam drank and drank. 

It had been years since John died. 

But for some reason, today, all he could think about was his father. 

He hated the fact that his relationship with the man was so fucked up. 

He blamed John for everything. 

The missed childhood. 

The loneliness. 

The loss. 

The fact that he had to be so strong and never once show weakness. 

It was so unfair.

But what he regretted the most, was the fact that he wasn’t sure if John knew how he felt. 

He had always made feel John feel like a failure. 

Like he didn’t care at all. 

He remembered how, even before John had died in the hospital, he had picked a fight. 

If only he knew what his dad had done. 

If only he knew those would be his last moments with him, he would have reassured John. Told him that he was a great father and he was grateful for everything.

Sam now knew that every single decision John had made was to protect his sons. 

But all the anger he felt for John stopped him from showing his love for his father.

He sat in his bed, drinking as tears rolled down his face. 

He wondered if John knew about everything he did. 

Ruby. Breaking the seals. Letting Lucifer out of the cage. The Leviathans and Abaddon. 

Then the Darkness.

When Mary and Dean arrived, Sam couldn’t deal with the emotions. 

His brother was still alive. Somehow his mother was back too.

Once they escaped and got back to the bunker, they spent time together, Sam wanting to know his mother, wanting to learn all there was about the woman he had lost when he was a few months old.

As he looked through John’s journal, he remembered everything he had been through with his dad. 

The hunts. 

The constant travelling. 

Meeting other hunters. 

But they weren’t the only memories.

He remembered the times John would take Dean and him on a trip. 

Nowhere in particular, but John would let them explore a town. 

He allowed the boys to have fun a few times, knowing that the life he was making them live wasn’t fair. 

But it was better they be prepared, than not know and get attacked.

Once Sam gave the journal to Mary, he wondered why he had been given his mother back, but not his father. 

He wanted to see him one last time, wanting to know if John was proud of him now. 

He had accepted his father’s wishes of hunting monsters and protecting people. 

He made sure he did the best he could. 

He just wanted to hear his father tell him one time that he was proud of the man he had become.

The door creaked open, y/n looking at Sam’s body, shaking with sobs. 

He closed the door quietly and got into the bed, climbing in behind Sam and wrapping his arms around the taller man’s waist, fitting his body around Sam’s, despite being much smaller than him.

Sam turned and completely broke down, allowing himself to feel the comfort of y/n’s arms. 

Y/n lay there as he held Sam to his chest, stroking his hair and kissing his head, knowing that the only thing he could do right now was be there for him.

“Thank you”, Sam whispered, his voice soft and quiet.

“No problem, baby. Wanna talk about it?” he asked, hoping Sam wouldn’t keep this all to himself.

“Just-you know-thinking about dad. I wonder if he knows what’s happened since he died. If he thinks what we’re doing is right?”

Y/n knew the Toni woman had made Sam doubt himself slightly, wondering if they were actually just causing more trouble for the world.

“I know he’d be proud. You’ve saved the world over and over. Without you, Dean and Cas, we probably wouldn’t be here”, he said, staring into Sam’s eyes, seeing the turmoil, not sure who to believe.

“I promise you, Sam. You are a hero. You’re my saviour”.

He kissed Sam’s head.

“My idol". 

He kissed Sam’s nose.

“And the love of my life”. 

He placed a final kiss on Sam’s lips, letting him feel the honesty and trust, all the love and admiration.

“You saved my life. So don’t you dare doubt yourself. Ok?”

Sam nodded, smiling as he once again felt y/n’s lips on his.

“I love you so much”.

“Love you too, Sammy. Now, how about we get some rest?”

Sam nodded, falling asleep in y/n’s arms, grateful he had him to always talk some sense into him.

None of the men realized that Mary was stood outside the door, listening to the couple’s words, grateful Sam had y/n to make him realize how precious and loved he was, knowing he was right. 

John would be proud of Sam. 


End file.
